


Why am I here I'm not a girl

by bisexualkiseryouta



Category: The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Crack, Fluff, being short, cursing, doc martens, girls night, idk - Freeform, nico deserves a happy life tbh, nico is an honorary female, normal life au???, this was supposed to be dramatic and cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 12:49:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3488873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualkiseryouta/pseuds/bisexualkiseryouta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico gets home to find girls' night in full swing and his sisters try to figure out how to keep him from being pushed around in the hallways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why am I here I'm not a girl

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooo, this is my first PJO/HoO fanfic ever! Enjoy! Sorry for any OOCness!

"What."

Nico walks into his sister's room after a long day of being pushed in the hallways at school because  _fucking tall people_ to find the female half of his family giggling with green goop on their faces like they do not look like aliens. "Oh. He's returned to us." Bianca snorts, fanning her face like she just made a very hilarious joke and her cheeks are red. And, you know, her face might be red. Under the  _fucking green_. 

"Hey, Nico!" Hazel gives a little wave before returning to very,  _very_ carefully painting Persephone's nails pastel green. Persephone gives him her own little wave which basically consists of her wiggling her already-painted fingers at him before returning her gaze to a magazine she's flipping through.

Well then.

This is fucking happening.

"Ouch, did you fall down the stairs again?" Bianca gestures to the bruise on his left cheek, green goop cracking as her eyebrows draw together in concern. "No?"  _Mr. Fucking Tall ran the fuck into me and I fucking smacking into the wall that's what fucking happened._ "Wow. How convincing. How could I ever doubt that statement." Persephone mumbles sarcastically. Nico frowns at his stepmother. "No. I did not fall down the stairs again. That was only once, Bi. And it was all  _Jason's_ -"

"If you're going to blame your klutziness on Jason, shut your cute lil mouth right now. You know he was being nice."

"Hitting me in the back is nice?"

"I've heard it's a very popular ritual around male sports people." Hazel pipes in solemnly. "Apparently, hitting each other is a sign of affection. I believe the correct response would have been to hit him back."

"I concur."

Nico sighs because  _females_ and then he is flopping on Bianca's bed because it is soft and comfortable and his butt hurts because school chairs should be burned. There is more snorting and giggling but the girls quiet down and turn up the music playing in the background. It's one of Bianca's playlists: this weird mix of songs from about a billion different languages with catchy tunes that she will enthusiastically mumble along to. Hazel will occasionally sing along to one of the random French songs in the mix, which is a nice change from mumbling.

"Nico, move your butt" is the only warning before a green-faced female is lying half on top of him, her hair falling in his face. "Ew, Bianca, get your" There's a pause as he tries to cough some hair out of his mouth. "Hair out of my face this is disgusting why sister why would you do this to me?" Bianca gathers her long, dark hair up into a makeshift ponytail and gives him this amused half-scowl. "Don't be jealous that your hair isn't this perfect."

"I'm not jealous; I don't want to get a hairball."

"Ew, stop watching those weird documentaries about hairballs, child."

"IT WAS ONE DOCUMENTARY!"

"One is too many." His sister seems to decided this is the end of the argument- or whatever the fuck you call their conversation- because she awkwardly wedges her arms around him and rests her head on his shoulder. "You are a good brother. Also a good pillow." Nico feels her fingers sift gently through his hair, carefully brushing out the knots in the curls. It's weirdly calming. "Now, tell Mama Bianca your troubles."

"Excuse me?"

"Sister Bianca, whatever. What's up? Why are being Mr. Grumpy Pants?"

"As opposed to...?"

"Oh, shut up, you are a ray of sunshine, tell me why you're annoyed."

There's silence and then quietly, "Tall people are the bane of my existence."

"Amen." Hazel announces as she screws the cap back on the nail polish bottle and joins the di Angelo dog pile. There's some uncomfortable sputtering as her curls assault Nico's face, but she eventually settles beside them comfortably. "Have the other kids been pushing you in the halls? Because you  _know_ I could take at least half of them. Hazelnut can take the other half. Just say the word." Nico isn't sure what's more ridiculous about the statement: the way Bianca is flexing her biceps or the expression on her face that makes him think she would do it. "Nah, I'm fine, guys. It's just a little frustrating-"

"-being so short." Bianca finishes for him, waggling her eyebrows. "Maybe you should get Jason to, like, give you a piggyback ride everywhere. Ooh- no, get Leo to make you one of those carrying around thingies that they carry ancient kings and queens around in and then have Jason carry you around in that. It will be fabulous."

"Or, or," Hazel interjects with one of her  _Bianca-what-the-actual-frick-are-you-on_ looks. "You could walk behind a tall person so it's like the sea is parting for you kind of?"

"Well, there it is! The mystery of why she is dating Frank is solved: it is for the free passage through the hallways."

"Oh my goodness, that's  _not_ what I-"

"No worries, Hazelnut, your secret is safe with us."

At this point, Persephone joins the dog pile, smiling at her stepchildren's antics. It's kind of nice, having her, Nico thinks. Sure, at first she was a royal  _bitch_ and he was like 99.9 percent sure she was going to go psycho killer on the three of them or maybe her mom- their stepgrandmother?- would, but she's chilled out a  _ton_  since their dad first married her. This may or may not be due to the endless supply of flowers the three of them picked for her over the summer when they found this clearing of wildflowers while being forced to hike by Piper's dad. Why did Mr. McLean want them to tag along hiking? Why did they agree? The world will never know.

"You could always show your dominance by shoving back?" she suggests as she starts braiding a section of Hazel's hair as though this is a natural activity. Which, you know, it might be. Nico wouldn't know if its normal for females to start braiding other females' hair with no explanation. "Yeah, but then there's the possibility of suspension..." Bianca frowns as she seems to seriously consider his predicament. "High heels?"

"I'd rather rot in hell."

"Well then."

"We could make him so pretty that everyone will love him too much to push him?"

"Hazelnut, how 'bout we be a little more realistic?"

"Why do I feel oddly insulted?"

Bianca bounces off the bed gracelessly, letting out an "oof" when her butt hits the floor, before crawling over to a huge trunk of makeup that she has accumulated through weird means. There are also shoes. "Doc Martens." She holds up a pair of black boots that look to be about his size. "Why-?"

"Don't ask questions; just accept it."

"Did you steal those off a dead person?"

"Did I not just say no questions?"

Persephone clucks her tongue at them. "Now, now. Just accept it."

"Jesus, you people are creepy."  _I swear to fucking God Bianca if you are giving me dead people shoes I will kill you I will know when I put those on my feet if they are dead people shoes and I swear to_ God- Nico slips on the shoes. Well. They don't feel like dead people shoes he guesses. Plus, they add, like, three inches to his height. Those soles are thick as  _fuck._ Comfy as hell, too. "Yay, problem solved! Nico may survive high school without being run over!"

"Shut up."

Bianca dodges the pillow thrown at her with a good-natured chuckle. "Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me."

"I can't even handle you right now."

"Well, since this has been settled," Persephone pushes up off the bed and claps her hands together. "I believe it's time to order pizza and decide on the movie."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/criticism are welcome! Requests are welcome too, haha, I might make this a little drabble dump~


End file.
